Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Damn It's Hot Outside!

Now, I know in my last message of peace and love, I expressed concern about being the one-trick-pony that rants about nothing but the scam of the century (yea, global warming). But until another terrorist attack on our soil originates from the welcome mat we call the southern US border, it seems nothing else is filling the news broadcasts these days. Well, nothing else besides the nipple-shattering cold we are experiencing here in the northeast and ice storms in Texas.

Technically, this diatribe is not about global non-warming, but on how the media is trying to separate you from your cash by accepting global warming as fact - without proof of course. Take a look at the picture that comes with this rant. It was sent to me by a Thinker. It shows an ominous image of a nuclear power plant and comes with this opening paragraph:

WASHINGTON - Human-caused global warming is here, visible in the air, water and melting ice, and is destined to get much worse in the future, an authoritative global scientific report will warn next week.

So why does a story from an "AP Science Writer" include this photo? Because the AP thinks you are bunch of IDIOTS! Here's the lowdown on that spooky-looking "smoke" coming from the top of the cooling tower from Pennsylvania:

The heat boils water, creating steam. The steam or water turns a turbine, which spins the shaft of a generator. Inside the generator, coils of wire spin in a magnetic field and electricity is produced. The steam condenses and changes back to water, and then is returned to the generator to be heated again, producing more steam. The white cloud you can see coming out of the top of a nuclear power plant isn't radioactive-it's just steam rising from the cooling tower.

So the other day, I am watching Fox News, when the lovely Megan Kendall reported on Congressional grandstanding over a new report on the competition for research grants - I mean global warming. The quote was from Moonbat CA Rep Henry Waxman and is done to the best of my memory.

"It appears there may have been an orchestrated campaign to mislead the public..."

So what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Well, if I was a non-thinker, it would be something like 'CONSPIRACY!! CHENEY!! HALLIBURTON!! BIG TOBACCO!! SCOOTER LIBBY!! THEY ARE OUT TO KILL US ALL!'

But I'm like you - I think. Thus what popped into my head was 'I wonder what part of his quote was not captured in that draconian, alarmist, video clip. A quick google search showed this result from the AP and was carried by USA Today and ABC NEws:

"It appears there may have been an orchestrated campaign to mislead the public about climate change," said Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif. Waxman is chairman of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee and a critic of the Bush administration's environmental policies, including its views on climate.

Hmmm. So now we have gone from "mislead the public" to "mislead the public about climate change." A few more clicks and we get this story, ON THE SAME QUOTE, from the LA Times:

WASHINGTON -- The new Democratic chairman of a House panel charged today that the Bush administration tried to mislead the public about climate change "by injecting doubt into the science of global warming and minimizing the potential dangers.",0,253239.story?coll=la-home-nation

So now, we have gone from "mislead the public" to "mislead the public about climate change" to "[mislead the public about climate change] by injecting doubt into the science of global warming and minimizing the potential dangers."

Well isn't that what science is all about? Being skeptical? Expressing doubt? Not calling something a 'fact' until it can be mathematically proven? It seems the LA Times has unwittingly done us skeptics a service in their single-minded effort to drive the alarmist message home. Next time you run into a global warming chicken-little, ask them this:

Explain exactly how we know the amount of CO2 produced by man and how much is produced from other sources.

Explain exactly how we know that CO2 leads to global warming - please cite an empirical source, not the knee-jerk greenhouse gas theory.

Explain how the temperatures that are used to illustrate warming over the last two centuries were taken, how accurate they are and how the measurements were used to create the data seen in the media - and why are they not listed with percentage margins of error?

Can we tell the exact temperature range for a given day/week/month/year, oh say, 400 years ago?

Explain how we can know the number and intensity of hurricanes for a given location before historical records and satellite imagery.

How was storm strength measured before the barometer was invented?

Explain exactly how you know sea levels are rising. Is it everywhere?

You get the idea. I could opine more, but I need to throw another log on the fire!

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Facts? WeDon't Need No Stinking Facts!!

Hello Thinkers,

Before I get into my rant, I want to provide you all with a VALUEABLE public service announcement. You may be in a similar situation as the tuffster, owning a small library of analog video that you want to convert to digital format and DVDs. Over the break I purchased Pinnacle's Studio 10 and MovieBox USB. It allows you to connect a video camera (analog or digital), capture the content on a computer, edit it and burn a DVD. DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT!! I have spent DAYS working around the bugs in this P.O.S. and STILL cannot get it to function properly. According to CNET, this product is "very good," rating it at 7.1 out of 10. Funny thing though, according to the people who paid for this product and logged into the CNET site, this product is "abysmal," rated at 1.7 out of 10. If you want some insight on how to capture analog video on your computer, email me offline. For God's sake, don't buy Pinnacle Studio 10.

Now for my philippic.

I'm a bit concerned about going to the well too often. Among the many worthy candidates of my disdain, I have been focusing on the Scam of the Century lately. But a recent imbecilic "Viewpoint" column from the January 10th Lawrence Eagle Tribune - And the blog from a "climate expert" from The Weather Channel have frosted my butt lately. And what do you have to do to be a "climate expert" anyway? I look out the window, there's some snow on the ground and the trees are blowing. Do I need a "climate expert" to tell me it's cold and windy outside?

First the article from my local paper. Brian Watson writes about The Scam of the Century (a.k.a. global warming) and uses some less than convincing arguments to promote his perspective. First, he talks about what he has seen locally:

"On a walk in the local woods one recent Saturday I saw more than a dozen painted turtles basking in the wetlands. That's an alarming site in mid-winter."

That's jim-dandy, but the article appeared on January 10th, meaning 'a recent Saturday' was at the best in early January, maybe late December. We don't know since he doesn't specify the date, but in any case winter begins on or about December 22nd, which makes 'a recent Saturday' prior to Wednesday, January 10th not "mid-winter." But who cares about facts when we are discussing The Scam of the Century anyway... Next, this author makes the ad hominem attack:

"There is no longer any significant scientific debate regarding climate change. Only a handful of scientists - most funded by the energy industry - along with the popular press, perpetuate the notion that doubt remains on this topic."

So a scientist who is funded by the energy industry is a tainted sell-out, but a scientist who is fighting for a government grant by being a "global warming" alarmist is as pure as the driven snow. Lastly there is this coup de grace that really drives the point home, silencing anyone who dare doubt that man made global warming will kill us all in 5 years or less.

"Have you ever met a teenager or college student who dismisses global warming? I'll bet not."

You know what? I bet he's right on that one....

So clearly, the global warming crowd cannot PROVE that my 8 cylinder car is cooking off the arctic ice sheet. So what is left? Why trying to shut them up, that's what. If you recall on this diatribe:

I outlined how Sens. Rockefeller (D., W.Va.) and Snowe (R., Maine) told ExxonMobil to shut up and tow the line with global warming, or else. Why? Because the global warming crowd cannot win a fair fight in the arena of debate. Another recent example comes from a "climate expert" (you know I can't even type that without giggling anymore) from The Weather Channel. Heidi Cullen - oh excuse me, Dr. Heidi Cullen thinks that if any meteorologist does not follow the party line on "global warming," they should have their AMS credentials revoked:

"If a meteorologist can't speak to the fundamental science of climate change, then maybe the AMS shouldn't give them a Seal of Approval. Clearly, the AMS doesn't agree that global warming can be blamed on cyclical weather patterns. It's like allowing a meteorologist to go on-air and say that hurricanes rotate clockwise and tsunamis are caused by the weather."

Ironically enough, hurricanes DO rotate clockwise south of the equator. They are called cyclones.

CYCLONE - An area of closed pressure circulation with rotating and converging winds, the center of which is a relative pressure minimum. The circulation is counterclockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere.

Here's another blog entry from Heidi Cullen - oh excuse me - Dr. Heidi Cullen showing that she is experiencing her own sort of "global warming."

"I've read all your comments saying I want to silence meteorologists who are skeptical of the science of global warming. That is not true. The point of my post was never to stifle discussion. It was to raise it to a level that doesn't confuse science and politics. Freedom of scientific expression is essential."

Of course! How stupid of me to assume that pulling AMS certification of a meteorologist who dare disagree with The Scam of the Century would stifle discussion. Oh well, the good doctor is still reasonably hot-looking, so I suppose her career as a Weather Channel meteorologist is safe.

And just for good measure, 'Blink' Pelosi has announced a new Global Warming committee:

"I promise to do everything in my power to achieve energy independence ... and to stop global warming," Pelosi said.

Well Blink, you can start by telling Fat Teddy to let them build a windmill farm in the middle of the race course for the Seagram's Chappaquiddick Invitational. Then let's get some nuke plants sparked up, how about in San Fran?

And just in case you are wondering, it's snowing in Malibu:,0,1404930.story?coll=la-home-headlines

And the oranges are freezing in Fresno:

Global warming?? BRRRR!!!!

Friday, January 05, 2007

2006: The Year in Haikus

Hello Thinkers,

Before we get to the third annual Tuffbeingright Haiku Festival, I just wanted to make one quick comment on a couple seemingly unrelated items. First, some of you may recall a fictional rant I composed back in April of 2005 called "An Evening on the Southern Border". It is one of my favorites. If you are new to "The Thinkers" check it out. The second item is Nancy Pelosi's comments after her recent coronation as House Speaker:

"For all of America's children, the House will be in order."

You know, I always hate it when politicans say they are doing something "for the children." Because basically that means they have no logical reason for doing something (usually some commie-socialist legislation) and they have to fall back on the sappy heart strings to shut down the argument against them. It also implies that if you don't agree with them, you hate children. It is a stupid argument for the idiots among us - period.

And what if you don't have kids? I guess that means the legislators who make these arguments have license to screw you.

So, by now you may be wondering what do these two items have in common? Well it may interest you to know that a border post manned by the US Border Patrol and National Guard was overrun by gunmen from south of our border:

"The Border Patrol says the incident occurred somewhere along the 120 mile section of the border between Nogales and Lukeville. The area is known as a drug corridor. Last year, 124-thousand pounds of illegal drugs were confiscated in this area."

So given that gunmen overran a US border station in an area known as "drug corridor," what is the Nancy Pelosi led house going to do... you know - "for America's children?" Yes, you already know the answer - not a damn thing. Enjoy the brave new world folks. Not that the Republicans were any better - in the Senate anyway.

But enough of the doom and gloom. The change of the calendar is upon us and it is haiku time! Any mindless puke can wax poetic the year past, just look at Matt Lauer if you doubt me. But here, we love a challenge. Cast the news events and news makers of 2006 within the tight restrictions of haikus, while keeping the spirit of the story alive. This is not simple task, which is probably why I only do this once a year. So for those of you who have forgotten how to write haikus like that one you did for that stupid 10th grade english project, here they are:

1. Haiku-poems consist of respectively 5, 7 and 5 syllables in three units. In Japanese, this convention is a must, but in English, which has variation in the length of syllables, this can sometimes be difficult.

2. Avoiding similes and metaphors.

3. Retaining Japanese values.

As is the case every year, I have decided to ignore rules 2 and 3 completely, and will only loosely follow rule 1. Once again, I have replaced rules 2 and 3 with the following Tuffbeingright-Haiku rule:

1A. Have fun at the expense of others.

For those of you new to the Thinkers list, or those with a soft spot for nostalgia, the previous two years of haikus are here:

So here they are. For your entertainment - the people and events of 2006 - the year in haikus:

Border security debate in the senate
Porous feckless border
"But we need the votes real bad"
More burrito Senator?

Saddam Hussein
Tin horn despot,
Swingin under a tree,
"H" "A" "N" "G" "I" "N" "G"

The '9/11 was an inside job' crowd
"Jews. Rove. They did it.
The evidence is obvious.
My cat told me so."

Mike Nifong and the duke lacross non-rape case
White perp, black 'victim'
"Hmmm... I really need the votes...
Guilty! Hang em high!"

Sandy Burgler
Docs damage, must hide.
"Crinkled papers pinch my nuts."
Don't fret, he will skate

The mountain climbers who died on Mt Hood, OR
Veteran climbers
"Hey, lets climb in December!"
Shhh... Darwin at work

Taco Bell, Olive Garden, et al
Yummy food, feeds gang
"I'll have extra lettuce please...
My guts are coming up!"

Paris Hilton
Bling, Booze, puny dogs
Pantiless crotch photos? "Whatever!"
"A job? What's that?"

Steve Irwin
"Krickey! Huge Stingray!
Lets F with it on camera!"
Shhh... Darwin at work.

Kim Jung Il
New nuclear weapons
US foreign policy twinges
"Me get new slut now!"

Mohammed Cartoon Jihad
Religion of Peace.
"What, you say that's not true?
We kill you infidel!"

Jeffrey Skilling, Dennis Koslowski, et al
How to hit profit goal?
"Hmmm, just erase this number here..."
Grab your ankles boys.

Katie Couric
Aged uppity skank.
Shifts to do "serious" news.
Dozens watch her talk.

Madonna adopts an African boy
Latest fashion trend.
But if he must do chores,
Is that slavery?

John Kerry
"The military are idiots!!
Uhh.. I meant Bush is an idiot!"
Range targets look like John.