Thursday, July 29, 2004

July 29, 2004 - The 2004 DNC Pukefest - Wrap Up

Today's Commentary: July 29th, 2004

Hello Thinkers!

Socialism - always a toilet.

Well this is it. After today, the great Marxist vomitorium formerly known as the Fleet Center will be shut down, hosed off, de-liced and returned to its role as a sports and entertainment facility. As I reflect on this grand socialist gathering I continually return to the same troubling question - what rock did all these people crawl out from under?

Not the people behind the podium, but the riff-raff in the crowd! The bizarre acts on stage paled in comparison to the footage of the great unwashed. What is up with those stupid hats?! If I were in charge of security, I'd be keeping the crosshairs on the delegates gracing the Fleet Center floor, not the protesters outside. Which reminds me, why is there so much security around the DNC? As I drove into work yesterday, I passed multiple groups of 7+ police cruisers parked on the side of I-93, over ten miles away from Boston. Why is all this security poised ready to strike? After all, Bush lied - right? There never were any WMD's in Iraq or elsewhere - right? There never was any pending danger to the US and our interests. Why not just have the perimeter security staff hand out daisies to all comers?

But now that Kerry's 'Extreme Makeover' is done, it is time to reflect on this tax subsidized boondoggle.

The first thing that I noticed missing at DNC-04 was the steady stream of former welfare recipients filling the stage. Surely there must be countless masses who had their livelihoods funded under eight years of Bill Clinton, pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and are now leading productive lives with 6-figure salaries and two hybrid cars in their garage. Where were they? I think that this would have been an effective rationale for the massive tax increases that a Kerry administration would implement.

I also found it endlessly ironic that on Tuesday, Barack Obama made the following statement: "Yet even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America -- there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America."

Yet the next day, John Edwards created division in our nation by describing two Americas - one for the rich and one for the poor. It looks like Barack and John did not compare notes. No problem! If the idiots at the Fleet Center are willing to go out in public with those stupid hats, I am certain they never gave a second thought to this minor conflict in principle.

And what of Mr. Edwards? Will he start channeling the voices of Osama bin Laden and Al-Zarqawi the same way he did channelled his child-clients as he was suing their doctors? This would be a huge help in the war against terror. Yet even John Kerry does not have much faith in John Edwards' experience with global issues. During the primary race, Kerry said to the NY Times:

"In the Senate four years - and that is the full extent of public life - no international experience, no military experience." He then added, smiling, "When I came back from Vietnam in 1969, I don't know if John Edwards was out of diapers then. Well, I'm sure he was out of diapers."

But that does not matter. A Kerry/Edwards administration will be handing over all of America's foreign affairs to the UN anyway, so we have nothing to worry about with respect to Edwards' lack of experience in foreign affairs.

However, imagine this nightmare post-January 2005 scenario. Vice-president John Edwards has championed legislation that allows for the creation of a new franchise, "The Litigation Hut." People go to the drive thru and fast-track lawsuits against every doctor in the US. The medical industry caves, creating a mass exodus of general practitioners and specialists from our country. John Kerry, sensitive to offshore outsourcing issues, goes to the last remaining plastic surgeon in California for his botox injections. The third rate (and third world) physician is an illegal alien allowed in the country as part of the "Come On In - We Don't Care Act" - Bush's spite-filled final executive order. Dr. Sanchez cannot read the warning labels before starting the injections. A horrible reaction to the combination of botox and Paul Mitchell hair care products lapses John Kerry into a fatal coma. We now have a career trial lawyer with one senate term and little else under his belt running the worlds' only remaining superpower. Give me Dick Cheney anytime!

And did you catch the verbal labyrinth that passed as Teresa's speech? Where was she going? And specifically, what was her point about how women's voices are held back? How about this sage snippet:

"This evening, I want to acknowledge and honor the women of this world, whose wise voices for much too long have been excluded and discounted. It is time for the world to hear women's voices, in full and at last."

I am certain that women in Afghanistan are thanking Allah that America finally took the initiative to give them a voice. And guess what Teresa, that happened under a Republican administration - not your precious UN. But she was probably more concerned with how women worth half a billion dollars are being treated by the press. Especially ones born with a silver foot in their mouth. OK Teresa, you made your point. Now shut up!

Of all the speeches and interviews I have seen since the pukefest began, the one that disappointed me the most was the highly trumpeted Michael Moore interview with Bill O'Reilly. It was hyped as "explosive" but it was at best, a dud. Moore only consented to an interview if O'Reilly promised not to edit it. Which is amazing since the "facts" that Mr. Moore presents are done so with deceitful editing, staged scenes and misleading information. Quick sidebar: This was most evident in "Bowling for Columbine" which showed Charlton Heston, speaking at a highly charged NRA event in Colorado shortly after the Columbine shootings. The viewer sees Heston rallying the troops in flagrant disregard of the tragic deaths only days before. Problem is, the video was of an NRA event thousands of miles away in Charlotte, NC - and a year later. A close look reveals that Charlton Heston's tie changes color during this segment. Moore is a liar and charlatan - plain and simple. End of sidebar.

However O'Reilly was pinned when Moore said "So, you would sacrifice your child to secure Fallujah?" Moore knew it and drove the point home. I will give credit where credit is due - Moore is many, mostly evil things, but he is a skilled debater.

Foolishly, O'Reilly accepted the premise as it was presented. It was truly a weak moment for Bill and I lost a lot of respect for him because of it. Especially after all the times he referred to Moore as a coward for not coming on his show.

So Bill, just in case you are reading this, here is what you should have said. Every one of our soldiers who paid the ultimate price in Iraq, Afganistan and anywhere else, did so protecting our nation. They are the only thing that stands between us and a collection of bastards who have decided that Allah wants us dead - all of us. We cannot expect France to protect us. While most of the rest of the world does nothing - or worse, our armed forces lead by example and are giving radical Islam the spanking it richly deserves. Every US serviceman lost, lessens the best citizens our country has to offer. To minimize their effort as just 'securing Fallujah' is a slap in their face and that of their families. But what should we expect from a self absorbed, Hollywood-elitist shyster.

Bill, you let me down.

Finally came John Kerry. The man who is only two neck-bolts away from being Herman Munster. He brought before the masses the usual string of villains - "the rich", corporations, and of course the anti-Christ himself - George W. Bush. Some of the most vocal support (other than calling healthcare a right - check your wallet at the door please) came from the "what if's", hearkening back on Americans who thought "what if" and created motorized flight, computers and other great inventions. But these advancements came from entrepreneurs operating in a free market, not because of any federal bureaucracy.

I like how Kerry appealed to Bush to call off the negative ads. Great idea since Kerry knows that George Soros will be picking up the slack with spots equating Bush with Hitler.

Make no mistake. Despite what you may, or more importantly may not have seen at the DNC, a vote for Kerry/Edwards is a vote to increase your taxes and to hand over our foreign policy to the UN.

And hey! I just learned that John Kerry served in Viet Nam... How about that?

Well thinkers, you won't be hearing from me next week. I'll be in Bermuda with my family. Maybe I'll be able to find one of those stupid DNC hats while I'm down there.

Bon Voyage!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

July 27, 2004 - The 2004 DNC Pukefest - Day 1

Today's Commentary: July 27th, 2004

Gentle Readers: I now am in my basement composing the rant below. I try very hard to ensure correct spelling, grammar, and semantics in these texts. However, I am now typing live as the DNC is broadcast on CSPAN (yes - I have no life), and my quality control on the prose below may not be up to the standards I try to keep. Especially since this televised event is continually testing my gag reflex, I will be growing more tired with each passing useful idiot. Please bear with me.

Hello Thinkers!

Well I've been trying to keep these blurbs of mine down to one a week. However, looking back over my archives, I see that I am averaging about two a week. I thought that I would try to cut back to weekly output during the DNC, but to quote Lloyd Bridges from the comedy "Airplane!", I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

I found myself racing to the local pizzeria to pick up my family's dinner on Monday night. When I got there, the employees were making food, but their eyes were glued to the baseball game on TV. Your humble correspondent could not stay however, as I had to get home to watch the DNC. This evening, while Jimmy's Pizza is watching curveballs, I will be watching screwballs. God help me.

Where do I start? How about with the woman who wants to be first skank, Teresa. Unlike John 'channel the voice of child clients' Edwards, I do not claim to be clairvoyant - nor do I even consider myself very good with my own instincts. However, if Vegas allowed it, I would have bet the ranch that Teresa will be a major liability for the Kerry campaign. By now, you have probably heard, just after a heart-felt speech in which she said "We need to turn back some of the creeping, un-Pennsylvanian and sometimes un-American traits that are coming into some of our politics," she bared her fangs at a reporter for the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review and told him to "shove it". While this blooper is hardly going to dent Kerry's poll numbers, there are over 100 days left, and her feet are looking MIGHTY tasty. But John Kerry is standing by his man saying "My wife speaks her mind appropriately." Compared to Whoopie's comments at his recent fund-raiser, he's probably right. So much for the new tone in Washington.

At the time of this writing, the the Boston Herald is reporting a story in which Teresa Heinz Kerry once said "I don't trust Ted Kennedy", calls him a "perfect bastard", and refers to the Democrats as "putrid". Maybe she's not as dumb as I figured. Now before I am blackballed as sexist, I believe Teresa is a liability not because she is reportedly a woman, but because she has always been rich, she's never been under such public scrutiny, and whatever she wanted was always at the snap of a finger. I guess even $500 million can't buy class. I'm sure both her and John will be able to relate to the common man much better as the spotlight gets brighter.

A quick digression. Remember how Whoopie was claiming that her first amendment rights were violated because her employer dropped her after her comments at the aforementioned Kerry fund-raiser? While all of us who think know that she is an idiot for twisting the meaning of the Constitution by claiming this, you may not know that the owner of a Boston restaurant has truly had his first amendment rights violated, by - get this - the government.

Mark Pasquale posted a banner which read, `D.N.C. THANKS FOR NOTHING! GO BUSH'. Pasquale has had to shut down his business during the DNC since I-93 has been closed and Boston's Mayor Menino suggested that all Boston workers "stay home". Pasquale has been cited and fined because his banner was illegal. I wonder if the banner read "I support the striking Boston Police Union", would he have been given the same treatment?

At the Fleet center, Al Gore was picking at his 4 year old scab. After many allusions to his failed head-butt with the Electoral College, he focused on John Kerry's environmental record. Al Gore has always been on the cutting edge of critical environmental issues - like the time in NYC when he preached to us about global warming and the pending world destruction surely to result. Of course it was January 15th, 2004 when the thermometer barely made it above 0 degrees (that's Fahrenheit) outside, and it ended up being one of the coldest days in NYC history. With timely, thoughtful support like that, Kerry can't lose.

During a between-speakers video presentation, Sen Diane Feinswine pitched to us how critical it is for the US to stop developing nuclear weapons. Yep. That's a winner in our post 9-11 world. Not just cut them back mind you - but stop. If it were up to the Senator from California, our nuclear arsenal would deteriorate since the rest of the world is not developing any similar weapons. Nope - not Iran, not Libya, not China and CERTAINLY not North Korea! You know if we would only reach out to these scared, vulnerable sheep in wolves clothing, they would certainly support a global nuke ban and we could all buy the world a coke. Looks like I'm not the only glue-sniffer around here.

Next up at the improv, Jimmy Carter. I must confess, I like him. The same way I like my dog. He's generally nice and has a good heart. However, I believe Zak would have shown slightly better intellectual leadership for our country. Apparently so did 43 out of 50 states in 1980. Like most of the other speakers, President Carter is opining about how we have alienated our allies and ruined our 'international reputation' with our "extremism." Does he mean allies like the ones who illegally sold weapons to Iraq despite UN sanctions? Does he mean allies who lined their pockets with UN Oil-for-Food money?

Wow. Carter is now way off his meds! He is currently blaming the recent unrest in the Israel/Palestine conflict on the past 4 years of the Bush administration - especially painful after the progress made under the Clinton administration. Now if memory serves me correctly, Clinton's advances in the region collapsed while he was still in office. In fact it was July 2000 at Camp David when Barak and Arafat refused to continue negotiations and brought an end to the summit. Shortly after (still under Clinton), Ariel Sharon visited the Temple Mount which is administered by a Muslim organization. The result? Violent confrontations between Muslims and Israeli Police. It was yet again a failed attempt at a Clinton legacy beyond perjury, impeachment and disgusting sex with overweight hussies - both the first lady and the intern. Forget what I said earlier, Zak is way smarter than Carter could ever dream. But for now, Carter doesn't drool as much.

I was hoping to stay up for the Bill and Hillary love fest, but I am fading fast. I have a dentist appointment Tuesday morning and after watching the DNC for the past few hours, I'm actually looking forward to it. Now, where's my glue?

Thursday, July 22, 2004

July 23, 2004 - The 2004 DNC Preview

Today's Commentary: July 23rd, 2004

Hello thinkers,

Q: What is a "racist"?

A: A conservative who is winning an argument against a liberal.

Just a quick note as I'm battening down the hatches, preparing for the communist invasion of Boston next week. I will probably work from home during the DNC for a few reasons. First, I want to avoid any major traffic hassles even though Burlington is a good ten miles away from Stalingrad - sorry, Boston. Second, the distance between Boston and my office may not be enough to escape the cloud of pheromones that Dan bin Rather will likely be emitting once he enters the giant can of honey-roasted nuts formerly know as the Fleet Center. And lastly, I do want to watch the DNC on TV during the day.

Why during the day? Simple. In an effort to dredge their presumptive candidates from the gooey black tar pit of their liberal ideology, the Democrat image machine will have to hose off their prime-time facade to be as centrist as possible. I suspect this will crowd out the ultra-soft underbelly of the left from evening speaking slots. Hence, the true direction of the Democrats will only be evidenced by letting the morning and afternoon speakers out of their padded cells to connect with a much smaller TV audience. It should be a good trip down the rabbit hole. I wonder if this daytime side show will have Dennis Kucinich presenting with the dog-faced boy and the 500 pound woman. Oh that's right, Hillary is going to introduce her hubby now. Well, I guess it is John Kerry's prerogative to change his mind - again.

Maybe some of the speakers will include Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA) and Sen. Stoli (D-MA) discussing the need for more gun control. Of course that's for the law abiding peasants, like you and me. You see Sen. Feinstein has a license to carry, because she needs it. Sen. Schumer hires armed, off duty police to protect his communist ass because, you see, he needs it. And in the mid 80's, Sen. Stoli had to get his bodyguard out of jail after he was arrested at a Senate office in gun free D.C. for carrying automatic (not semiautomatic, but machine gun, real automatic) weapons.

Maybe Terry McAuliffe will talk about the evils of Corporate America and their ties to the dirty Republicans like George Bush Sr. who received $80,000 in pre-IPO stock in Global Crossing which he sold for $14 million. Of course Terry won't mention that he himself turned $100,000 of pre-IPO Global Crossing stock into $18 million.

The whole boondoggle will be surrounding the radioactive core of the Kerry/Edwards ticket. While the isotope of this core, triallawyerium-238, only has a half life ranging from 4 to 8 years, the effects of detonation could be disastrous for much longer. Presumably, the king and queen of the DNC prom will be talking about how they share the values of, and stood up for, the average American. You know, by voting against the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts. And voting against a full repeal of the death tax. And by voting against increased combat pay for the troops. And by voting to block medical liability reform. And by voting against the "Unborn Victims of Violence" act (a.k.a. the Lacy Peterson law).

So if you are north of Boston next week and you hear a large popping sound, don't worry - it's not your tire. It will be my skull.

Monday, July 19, 2004

July 19, 2004 - Heart and Soul? Maybe. Brains? Nope!

Today's Commentary: July 19th, 2004

As I mentioned in my previous rant, I spent last weekend up in Maine camping with some friends. It was wonderful. No TV, no internet, and the only phone I had came with an 'off' switch. I missed the news flash on Martha Stewart's cushy prison sentence - and lived to tell about it. On Sunday morning, I packed up my gear and headed home. As I headed east on 302, I stumbled across a broadcast of "Meet the Press" with Tim Russert on a local radio station. This was serendipitous for a geek like myself, since the listening options were pretty limited. I already had my fill of the ubiquitous classic rock for the weekend. The only other choices were the rap/hip-hop stations playing the soundtracks to MTV's instructional videos on public dry-humping, or country music - which I'm just not into.

I opened my windows as it was hard to tell who smelled worse after 4 days in the woods, me or my dog. Then I settled in for "Meet the Press". The first guest was the US Senator from the great state of West Virginia, Robert 'Sheets' Byrd. Sen Byrd was hitting the airwaves promoting his new book, "Losing America: Confronting A Reckless And Arrogant Presidency." Byrd is certainly hoping to outsell his previous work, "How to Burn Crosses in Humid Southern Air." During the Russert interview, there was an exchange that was the reveille which snapped me out of my weekend calm. So much so, I had to dig for the transcript on Monday:

MR. RUSSERT: Let me show you what you also say in the book. Back in October of 2002, only 23 senators opposed a resolution authorizing the president to go to war. "In the end, only 22 other members voted to oppose this despicable grant of authority. ...Never in my half century of congressional service had the United States Senate proved unworthy of its great name. What would the framers have thought? In this terrible show of weakness, the Senate left an indelible stain upon its own escutcheon. Having revered the Senate during my service for more than forty years, I was never pained so much."

You say that the 22 senators who joined with you were profiles in courage, and those who didn't vote that way had shown weakness. John Kerry, candidate for president, John Edwards, candidate for vice president, your Democratic Party, voted for the war. Are they weak?

SEN. BYRD: They were misled. I'm confident of that. And I have a feeling that that is why they voted as they did.

...Moments later, Russert hits Byrd again on the same topic:

MR. RUSSERT: You seem to suggest that John Kerry and John Edwards lacked courage.

SEN. BYRD: No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying they lacked the facts.

...Sorry Senator, you did say that. Maybe all those petroleum fumes from the Klan cookouts have gotten to you, but you cannot have it both ways. I wonder how many other members of the 'collectively weak' Senate are now considered "misled" by Sheets Byrd? I suspect only those with a 'D' after their name.

This got me to thinking. The vocal far left - politicians as well as activists - remind me of the zombies from the "Dawn of the Dead" movies in two important ways. First, they want to remove and eat your brain - so you'll be just like them, and second, no matter what you hit them with, they defy logic and reason and just keep coming and coming and coming.

Here, Russert uses Sen Byrd's own words as the basis for his question, and not once, but twice clubs this zombie over the head. No matter. Byrd sidesteps his own quote and continues sloshing his way through America looking to eat everyone's brain until they all vote for Kerry/Edwards.

Need another example? Try the star of the celluloid classics, "Sister Act" and "Sister Act 2." Apparently Whoopie Goldberg cannot believe that she should be held accountable by her employer for her actions. After her recent on-stage diatribe of lewdness (with wine bottle in hand) at a political fundraiser for John Kerry, Slim-Fast caved to mounting pressure from customers who called in to complain about their sponsor. Slim-Fast promptly lost 160 pounds (estimated) of ugly fat. Now the Whoopster is recently quoted as saying:

"America's heart and soul is freedom of expression without fear of reprisal," she added. "In a time when candidate bashing has become the norm, be it on television, in speeches or Sunday morning programs, I find all this feigned indignation about 'Bush bashing' quite disingenuous.

"The fact that I am no longer the spokesman for Slim-Fast makes me sad, but not as sad as someone trying to punish me for exercising my right as an American to speak my mind in any forum I choose."

Apparently this zombie believes that she should have the ability to say or do whatever she wishes without the possibility of repercussions. I believe she should have a free one hour session with Trent Lott as part of his outreach to the black community. Maybe he can explain it to her.

And what is it with the left's use of the term "heart and soul" lately? If memory serves me correctly, John Kerry referred to his distinguished colleagues in the entertainment elite as "the heart and soul of America" at this same gathering. I certainly wish he would see fit to release the video of this fundraiser, because as we all know, conservatives like myself have neither heart nor soul. I wish to understand what it is like to have one or both. I would appreciate seeing these shining examples of music and film, filled with heart and soul, call a sitting president "a cheap thug" and "liar."

However, I suppose that referring to the far left as "the heart and soul of America" is the best Kerry can do, since it appears that someone has already eaten their brains.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

July 13, 2004 - "Inside the Asylum", Yes the UN still sucks.

Today's Commentary: July 13th, 2004

Hello Thinkers!

It is book review time. I recently finished "Inside the Asylum" by Jeb Babbin, who was a deputy undersecretary of defense for President Bush 41. His work is subtitled 'Why the United Nations and Old Europe are Worse than You Think.' The book was a pretty quick read at about 140 pages before the notes section and reinforced many of the ideas that I believe in. Chances are, by virtue of the fact that you are reading this, you probably believe them too.

Mr. Babbin asserts that the UN has become the leverage by which despotic, 3rd world regimes attempt to hold the US in check. Since economically and militarily, these nations stand the same chance against the US as a pair of edible boys briefs stand surviving the night at a NeverLand Ranch sleepover, these banana republics fight us with their most viable option, Kofi and Company. "Inside the Asylum" also describes the confusion which surrounded our troops when they discovered shiny new and almost new military hardware behind Iraqi lines with "Made in France" stamped on the side. To be fair, some of the weaponry also said "Made in Germany", and a few were marked with something written in Russian. Other interesting anecdotes included how hard working the Iraqis were who staffed the UN Oil-for-Food HQ in Baghdad. These busy beavers were very helpful as they ran the switchboard, fax machines and photocopy rooms.

But while the stories are an outrageous indictment of the corrupt sham that the UN and some European 'allies' have become, it didn't surprise me. Maybe that's because I've become a jaded, cantankerous old fart (but for now, still a 39 year old fart). I have come to expect that the UN is a joke when it allows Sudan, Cuba, China, Zimbabwe and similar havens of free speech to be on their Human Rights Commission. I expect a forum that allowed Uganda's dictator Idi Amin to call for the extermination of Israel to be a farce. I expect uselessness from an organization that allows the post-menopausal barroom skank known as France to delude itself into thinking it still has some charm by giving it the keys to the men's bathroom - in the form of UN security council veto power.

And now (permit me a short digression from the book review), Kofi Annan has endeared himself yet again to American taxpayers by demanding the US devote even more money to the fight against AIDS. "We really do need leadership. America has a natural leadership capacity because of its resources, because of its size," Kofi said.

Wrong Kofi. America has a natural leadership capacity because it is a nation that allows for free enterprise, rule of law and -albeit less then optimal, limited government. Many African nations are very rich in natural resources but allow their people to live in squalid poverty because they are socialist dictatorships. Nations such as Ireland and Japan prosper not because of natural resources or size, but because of ideologies and policies similar to our own.

Kofi wants to see "international solidarity" by pooling of 'efforts' - a.k.a. your cash. No doubt he envisions UN control over the $15 billion in US taxpayer funds promised by President Bush. However, according to the BBC article, the US wants control in how this money is spent. How rude of the administration to think that money to fight AIDS is not best spent lining the pockets of UN bureaucrats!

Sorry, off on a tangent there... back to the book.

One of Jeb Babbins story lines that did educate me was about a Bush initiative announced in May 2003 called the Proliferation Security Initiative or PSI. The PSI will attempt to do what the bloated rat's nest at the UN will not - stop the proliferation of WMD among rogue nations. Somehow Dan bin Rather and the news hounds at the Al-CBS network glossed over this story. Eleven nations, operating independently of the UN, are taking active roles to intercept and disable WMD and their components before they can get into lawless hands.

In fact their first public trophy over the mantle is Libya. While Muammar Qadafi's decision to disarm made national headlines, the story behind his decision was not known - at least to me, and I expect a few others. According to "Inside the Asylum", Libya did not simply surrender their centrifuges. A Libya-bound vessel was docked in Italy when it was boarded and searched by Italian authorities and the cargo was seized (Italy is a member of the PSI). Caught with his hand in the uranium jar, Qadafi decided to disarm. Negotiation didn't cause this, action did.

Looking back on this book, maybe I was being too harsh by saying it was not surprising. It was. I have over a dozen Post-It notes inside a text of about 140 pages. I also have alot of notes in the margins. I would probably suggest waiting for the paperback or to see if the hardcover price drops from $27. I would certainly recommend it then.

Maybe my less than ecstatic response for what is a good book was less a result of my jaded disposition and more a function of the fact that I had several days off over July 4th when I read "Inside the Asylum." You remember July 4th - the day when we celebrate our independence - or at least what's left of it.

Monday, July 12, 2004

July 12, 2004 - Legal Fecals

Today's Commentary: July 12th, 2004

Hello thinkers!

Great news guys and girls! If we are really lucky, we may get a trial lawyer for our next VP! Won't that be awesome? It certainly overshadows the other news I was going to bring you, which was that my "Voter Inertia" rant made the Lawrence Eagle-Tribune's Letters to the editor on July 7th.

While the Trib did edit out some of my favorite comments, they chose to title it "Democrats Continue Love Affair With Felons." That is an edit I can live with. My wife read the letter and after each chuckle, she gave me the "what are the neighbors going to think?" groan. Or maybe it was the "we're going to get a brick through our window because of you" groan. It's hard to tell them apart sometimes.

After she finished reading another 'outing' of my radical ideas to the Greater Merrimac Valley (and waiting for the bricks to fly), I happened to look at the next page where I found an op-ed from Marty Meehan. For those of you not familiar with Comrade Meehan, the Democrat Congressman from Lowell, MA, allow me the opportunity to enlighten you. Days after the attacks of September 11th, with the Pentagon and World Trade Center ruins still smoldering, Marty shrugged off the shackles of national unity and refused to let the inconvenient slaughter of 3,000 innocent Americans restrict him from the critical task of making partisan jabs at President Bush.

Apparently, Marty did not think that Air Force One made it back to DC fast enough. According to the Boston Herald, Marty scoffed at the idea that AF1 may have been a target of attack. "I don't buy the notion Air Force One was a target," Meehan was quoted as saying. "That's just PR. That's just spin." Nevermind the fact that in the first hours of the attack nobody knew what was going on - other than murder.

Well, that was then. And now, Marty is announcing to all the readers of the Eagle-Tribune that adding a trial lawyer to the Teresa Heinz ticket is a good idea. Marty opines in his op-ed that Kerry's choice is ideal because, "no one exemplifies the fight for working people more than John Edwards." Marty's love-fest continues, calling Edwards "the perfect combination of message and messenger." He also refers to Edwards as a "self made millionaire."

No doubt Mr. Edwards is a millionaire. Reports are this 'man of the people' is worth between $12 million and $60 million. Although he's not nearly as much a 'man of the people' as Anna Nicole-Kerry who's worth between $165 million and $600+ million, depending on his prenup with snookums. And while Edwards and his wife have three vacation homes worth over $1 million each, John Kerry has leeched onto a 90-acre farm in Pennsylvania, a vacation home in Idaho, as well as residences in Georgetown, Nantucket and Beacon Hill. Based on this statistic alone, Kerry is much more in tune with the man on the street and clearly deserves to head the Democratic ticket. If you want to see where Mr. Kerry does his best thinking about everyday Americans, check out:

But let's get back to Senator Edwards. How did he become a self-made millionaire? He specialized in infant cerebral palsy and brain damage lawsuits in North Carolina. CP is a tragic disorder and while organizations like United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) work to understand CP, the science behind what exactly causes it, in each case, is still not perfect. In fact the UCP website states:

A large number of factors, which can injure the developing brain, may produce cerebral palsy. A risk factor is not a cause; it is a variable which, when present, increases the chance of something occurring -- in this case, cerebral palsy. Just because a risk factor is present does not mean cerebral palsy WILL occur; nor does the absence of a risk factor mean that cerebral palsy will NOT occur. If a risk factor is present, it serves to alert parents and physicians to be even more observant to the infant's development.

However, this does not stop the litigation machine. If there is even a slight hint of victory, the feeding trough is opened and lawyers come sloshing. The US is a rare exception in western countries in that it does not implement a "loser pays" policy to help stem the rising tide of frivolous lawsuits. As a result, we all pay. Insurance rates rise, qualified physicians leave the profession, and legitimate injury claims are lost in a sea of fecal litigation. This is the fertile ground in which Edwards became a self made millionaire. Does this exemplify "the fight for working people?" Ask Marty - if he's not on John Kerry's yacht in Nantucket sound.

But if John Edwards loses his bid for VP, drops out of politics altogether, and encounters new policies to restrict flippant lawsuits (I had better stop - I'm getting excited), he can always get a gig working with Madam Cleo as a psychic channel. According to CNS News, John Edwards made the following statement in a trial where he represented Jennifer Campbell, who had CP and was five years old at the time:

"I have to tell you right now -- I didn't plan to talk about this -- right now I feel her (Jennifer), I feel her presence,' Edwards told the jury according to court records. "[Jennifer's] inside me and she's talking to you ... And this is what she says to you. She says, 'I don't ask for your pity. What I ask for is your strength. And I don't ask for your sympathy, but I do ask for your courage.'"

In his defense, John Edwards may have confused this paranormal voice of Jennifer Campbell with Jennifer Smith, his financial advisor, or Jennifer Brown, his real estate agent. I am certain both of them were asking for the jury's courage as well, so there may have been some error. I will call Madam Cleo on this and get back to you.

But drowning in nonsense litigation is nothing compared to what I fear most from John Edwards as second-in-command. Having a liberal trial lawyer for VP meshes very well with the notion of subverting US sovereignty to the "World Court". You know, those guys in Hague that demand Israel stop protecting itself from suicide bombers. The same "World Court" that wants jurisdiction over our military, wants to end the death penalty in the US, and enforce restrictions like the Kyoto treaty - whether we want it or not. If you think junk lawsuits are rampant nationally, imagine what will happen if we allow nations like Sudan, North Korea, and Iran to sue us. If there is a greater violation of the letter and spirit of the Constitution, I can't imagine it.

Our nation needs laws and lawyers, but it does not need junk lawsuits and the 'victim mentality' perpetuated by senseless litigation. And besides, when was the last time a trial lawyer in a position of government power did anything good for this country? Oh yea, in early 2001, one of them left office.