Thursday, December 23, 2004

December 23, 2004 - Peace on Earth? Screw that!

Merry Christmas Thinkers!

Peace - the annual quest during Christmas time.

I have been wishing everyone I run into a Merry Christmas, or when apropos, Happy Hanukkah. So far, no one has sued or accosted me, but there are still a few shopping days left this season. I'll keep you updated. I am patiently waiting for my Christmas present from CBS. Or in CBS's case - let's call it a 'Winter Solstice' present. We wouldn't want to offend anyone, now would we? Specifically, I am waiting (with bells on) for the report on the 60 Minutes "memogate". It was supposed to be released after November 2nd, so as not to "interfere" with the election. How thoughtful. I suspect that CBS has the deflectingly terse press release ready to go and they are waiting for a major catastrophic news event to bury it under. Since Dan bin Rather likely considers Inauguration Day 2005 to be a disaster of Biblical proportions, expect the memogate report to surface then, unless terrorists strike the US beforehand.

Speaking of bin Rather, rumor is afoot that Al-Qatie Couric may be replacing him as news anchor. Would that be swell? How better to show their diversity than to replace their male, aging, socialist, bleeding-heart, blame-America-first, liberal teleprompt reader with a female, aging, socialist, bleeding-heart, blame-America-first, liberal teleprompt reader.

Included in the vast pool of news that CBS will probably ignore are some holiday wishes from radical Islam to our brave friends, the Spaniards. It seems Spain's measured retreat is not quite what the Islamofascists were hoping for. Three members of the religion of peace and love were "part of a radical Islamic cell looking to buy explosives in a central European country for a terrorist attack in Spain."

They must have been looking for a pattern of full scale appeasement and retreat the likes of which only the French seem to courageously muster. I say this because two French journalists kidnapped in Iraq four months ago have recently been released. And just in case total capitulation just isn't enough, there's always protection money for the schoolyard bully. While Chirac has not admitted to paying off these terrorist kidnappers, those savage unbiased news hounds at Reuters are on this like Paris Hilton on a bone:

"[French Defense Minister (can you say L'Oxymoron?)] Alliot-Marie said the captors had never asked for a ransom. Asked on television if Paris would say if it had paid them off, she nodded and said: "Why would we hide it? Who'd see anything wrong with that?"

Huh? Nevermind - it's the French.

After the release of the hostages, the French terror alert code has been lowered from "Surrender" to "Appease". Good thing they care more for their 'journalists' than they do for grandma - but the French never had to miss a vacation for these reporters.

But hey, it's Christmas. You know - peace on earth, good will towards men. Surely there must be signs of hope in this country that our differences can be put behind us - right? Not if you are in Irving, Texas, where a Muslim group held a tribute to a "great visionary." No this was not a tribute for Mohammed, it was a tribute for Ayatollah Khomeini. You know, the "visionary" who said:

"Those who study Islamic Holy War will understand why Islam wants to conquer the whole world."

...And who wooed the crowds of the faithful with:

"Why do you only read the Quranic verses of mercy and do not read the verses of killing?"

...And who won over the most sentimental, big hearted of Muslims with:

"Qu'ran says: Kill, imprison! Why are you only clinging to the part that talks about mercy? Mercy is against God."

So how can one guarantee peace in this environment? Simple! You surrender.

All things considered, France was very peaceful from its fall in 1940 until about June 6, 1944. Eastern Europe was quite placid behind the Iron Curtain, at least that's what their news reports said... And I am certain that the United Islamic States of America would be a swell place, void of terrorist attacks and war. Under Allah's warm glow us men could all gather for Sunday football games, drink Samuel Abdula's Boston Lager (non-alcoholic) and watch as women accused of adultery were summarily executed during halftime. Pass the fries please.

Sad as it may seem to the Left, our capitalist economy and society built on Judeo-Christian beliefs did not become the worlds only superpower by turning the other cheek, but by kicking butt-cheek when we had to.

Afghanistan's president, Hamid Karzai said the following at his recent inauguration:

"Today whatever we have achieved -- the peace ... the reconstruction ... the fact that Afghanistan is again a respected member of the international community -- is because of the help that the United States of America gave us. Without that help, Afghanistan would be in the hands of terrorists, destroyed, poverty stricken and without its children going to school or getting an education."

America didn't do this with placation. America did this by killing bad guys - period. Karzai knows this. Most of us know it. Dan bin Rather doesn't.

So when someone wishes you peace this holiday season, remember this tuff-ism:

Peace is good, but freedom is better.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all the Thinkers!

And for those of you serving our country domestically or abroad who may find this in your inbox, Thank You!


Wednesday, December 08, 2004

December 8, 2004 - What is a communist Senator from Massachusetts to do now?

Today's Commentary: December 8th, 2004

Hello Thinkers!

"Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." -- Ronald Reagan

I am leery of including myself in this collective pool of Thinkers as the addition of a newborn has certainly dropped my IQ by at least 40 points. The other day I made myself a sandwich and as I was bundling up a stack of cheese in Saran Wrap, I "shushed" it reflexively. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I did not stick a pacifier between the slices. But while my intelligence has dropped, my wisdom has grown. I now know that there is nothing - nothing more disgusting than the bowel movements of a newborn. Nothing.

Well, strike that. There may be something more disgusting. Of course I speak (again) of Senator Chivas from the People's Republic of Massachusetts. Yes, the same senator I have previously referred to as the gelatinous fat on the SPAM of liberal politics. Fatcat Teddy clearly shot his political load in the presidential election season of 2004. He pulled out all the stops from the Democratic primaries through the final spanking, promoting the election of... um... what's-his-name... the French guy who looks like Herman Munster... well, never mind. And Senator Chivas did it the best he possibly could. During the primaries, when he knew he would be well received by the liberal base, he led the charge. After the Democratic convention in Boston, he held back knowing that his presence on stage would shift the opaque centrist veneer of the platform to the left (assuming he was standing on the left). From supplying senior staff members, to getting out on the campaign trail himself, Teddy gave it his all - only to realize that the golden age of bloated, communist, tax and spend liberalism has left him behind. We can now only imagine the bygone world in which his breed, the Myassissaurus, once roamed, feeding freely on the lush green of steadily increasing tax revenues. Sadly, His Liberalness took part in driving the 2004 presidential campaign off the bridge and into the water.

In the end, only so many tears can fall into a tumbler that is already filled with scotch. But what is an aging, overweight relic with little more than a used maxipad for a liver to do with himself when the voters of America denied him what could be his final shot at a back door 'casting couch' in the Oval Office? Why he becomes hopelessly self absorbed - that's what. Since there is little chance of his promoting large scale meaningful legislation in this post (leaking) Big Dig era, Senator Chivas must turn inward for glory. Yes, the University of Virginia is going to "record an oral history of the life and career of Senator Edward M. Kennedy, a six-year, multimillion-dollar project that is the center's first effort to chronicle the history of a sitting senator."


Selflessly, Kennedy suggested the idea himself. Previously, U of V's oral history collection has only been of past presidents. The oral history of Bill Clinton however, remains behind the check-out counter and wrapped in plastic. Expect a truly hard-hitting and objective analysis from academia.

Teddy is not the only elitist undergoing severe self reflection in order to avoid the possibility that their principles of wealth redistribution, government control and reverse discrimination have been rejected by the majority of voting Americans. Michael Moore is now thoroughly convinced that Democrat politicians need to embrace Hollywood elitists even tighter if they wish to regain 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Moore is confident that he did not alienate voters, but he kept what's-his-name from losing by an even wider margin.

Moore says to critics of his activism, "It's actually the opposite. Democrats need to embrace Hollywood because this is where they need to come to learn how to tell a story." He believes that the Democrats did not have as compelling a story to tell, and that is why they lost.


Like most of the liberal elite, Moore believes that all they need to do is 'repackage' their communist, deconstructionist policies and the people will buy it. He believes that most voters like the nomenclature of "Stupid White Men" and agree that crime, poverty and the low expectations of minorities are the exclusive culpability of capitalism. If you ever watched "Bowling for Columbine", Moore tries to blame the murder of six year old Kayla Rolland on Dick Clark. Why? Because the mother of the shooter (another six year old) worked at Clark's restaurant and had to leave her son with his uncle while she worked. Nevermind that the uncle lived in a crack house where loaded firearms were readily available.

Undeterred, Moore believes Hollywood is the yellow brick road leading to political Oz. He continues, "And I think we need to turn to Hollywood, because who wouldn't vote for Tom Hanks or Paul Newman or Robert Redford or Oprah?"

Well Mike, that would probably be me - and about 59 million of my friends.