Friday, October 22, 2004

October 23, 2004 - "Me John Kerry. Great White Hunter!"

Today's Commentary: October 23rd, 2004

"Me John Kerry - Great White Hunter!"

Hello Thinkers!

Like most people, I have hobbies which do a great deal to recharge my batteries and calm my nerves. Fishing is one example. Getting up to watch the morning sun rise over the Atlantic, smelling the salt air, chasing striped bass and their friends of the salty deep does for my soul what confessions never could. Bike rides, golf, camping and of course writing are also things I enjoy. But one of my hobbies has a truely special place in my heart. Why? Not for the reason you may think. Not because I have been doing it since I was a kid - I haven't. Not because it gets my brain-train back on track faster than any other hobby - it doesn't. And not because I am exceptionally good at it - far from it.

No. Shooting has a special place in my heart because it annoys exactly the kind of people I want to offend. If you are a sissy who thinks an inanimate object like a firearm is evil and nobody should own them, then you are precisely the person I want to antagonize. Stationary targets, skeet, trap - you name it, I love it. And if it pisses off someone with blue hair who drives around with a PETA bumper sticker on their '93 Civic and has more metal in their face than I have in my tackle box? Sweeeeet!

Apparently John Kerry has a hobby that offends people too. It's called topic straddling.

Recently John Kerry marched out into the marshes of Ohio, shotgun in hand, with the intent of blasting a goose out of the sky as a way to convince the residents of the Buckeye State that he's just a regular guy like them.

And this is despite the fact that he has a 20 year senate voting record diametrically opposed to the 2nd Amendment. He co-sponsored a bill to ban semi-automatic shotguns (S. 1431), even though he accepted one as a gift from a representative from the United Mine Workers of America.

I could list all the anti gun, anti ammunition, anti gun owner legislation this "hunter" has voted for, but I think you get the idea. And now with 2 weeks left in the heated presidential election, we are supposed to believe Johnny Hair was out in the marshes of Ohio because he enjoys being with "the guys" that much - that he just lives for the smell of primer in the morning. I guess the windsurfing out there must really suck.

Luckily, I have been in touch with the rumor mill from this battleground state and there are some tidbits which have not made the mainstream press yet. Apparently, the first flock of geese came in low about 15 minutes after "les chasseurs d'oie" got into their blind. However, the geese bolted when they heard Kerry calling Jacques Chirac from his cell phone asking permission to open fire. Later, after verifying UN approval, another flock came in, and the group began shooting - at which time Kerry fled the blind until he realized that the shots were being fired from his hunting party, and not the geese. Upon returning to the blind, reports are Johnny Hair mentioned that he dropped his travel manicure set on their way in and left to retrieve it. It is unclear how many purple hearts he applied for after going through the thorn bushes on the walk back from the hunt.

Glancing at any of the photos from the big hunting trip one notices that Kerry did not carry the goose he allegedly shot, back from the field. Hunters do hate to get dirty. Especially if a photo-op gets ugly and goes back to a vegetarian voting base. I have a hard time picturing Johnny Hair coming home with a dead 25 pound goose, plopping it on the kitchen table with a resounding thud, and saying "Here you go Teresa! I killed it, you clean it."

When the press asked Kerry why someone else was carrying his dead goose, he replied "I'm too lazy. I'm still giddy over the Red Sox. It was hard to focus."

And this guy wants to be commander in chief? What will he do when he is forced to stay up late listening to war briefings? Nuke Wyoming?

Kerrys double standards do not stop with double barrelled shotguns.

During the second presidential debate, Kerry was asked what he would say to a voter who "asked for reassurance that his or her tax dollars would not go to support abortion." To which he replied:

"Now, I believe that you can take that position [legislating for abortion] and not be pro-abortion, but you have to afford people their constitutional rights."

Unless of course it's that icky 2nd Amendment. In which case the Constitution be damned.

Kerry also said in the same debate: "But I can't take what is an article of faith for me and legislate it for someone who doesn't share that article of faith, whether they be agnostic, atheist, Jew, Protestant, whatever. I can't do that."

Really? Well what about rape, theft and murder? These are also things that his Catholic background looks down upon. Why should he be passing these "articles of faith" on the American people as well? The fact is he hasn't. His most prominent legislation includes a "save the dolphins" law (whew! that must have taken some brass onions), a posthumous award to Jackie Robinson, and laws declaring "world population awareness" weeks in '89 and '91 - when his senate activity was seemingly at its peak.

Kerry continued this straddling theme in the third debate when he said:

"Well, I respect everything that the president has said and certainly respect his faith. I think it's important and I share it. I think that he just said that freedom is a gift from the Almighty.

Everything is a gift from the Almighty."

Well except for unborn children, in which case it is perfectly fine to insert a metal spike into the base of their skulls once their head pops out. Hopefully God saved the receipt for that gift. Kerry also made a rare trip to the senate to actually vote against the unborn victims of violent crime act which would have made it a seperate crime for injuries or death of an unborn child. But what the hell? Who is he to say that expectant parents should be upset by the loss of their progeny?

Kerry continues later in the same debate: "And I think that everything you do in public life has to be guided by your faith, affected by your faith, but without transferring it in any official way to other people."

Hmmm. No conflicts there I guess.

Whether you are for or against abortion, for or against guns, for or against our actions in Iraq, Kerry consistently has a pattern of "respecting our beliefs" and voting against them. Some say that now, in our fight against terrorism, we cannot have a leader that does this. I disagree - we can NEVER have a leader that does this.

For all the birds he may have missed on his hunt, John 'six-pack' Kerry really does not need to worry. This "man of the people" still has a goose at home. One with a bad accent, that lays golden eggs.


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