Thursday, July 22, 2004

July 23, 2004 - The 2004 DNC Preview

Today's Commentary: July 23rd, 2004

Hello thinkers,

Q: What is a "racist"?

A: A conservative who is winning an argument against a liberal.

Just a quick note as I'm battening down the hatches, preparing for the communist invasion of Boston next week. I will probably work from home during the DNC for a few reasons. First, I want to avoid any major traffic hassles even though Burlington is a good ten miles away from Stalingrad - sorry, Boston. Second, the distance between Boston and my office may not be enough to escape the cloud of pheromones that Dan bin Rather will likely be emitting once he enters the giant can of honey-roasted nuts formerly know as the Fleet Center. And lastly, I do want to watch the DNC on TV during the day.

Why during the day? Simple. In an effort to dredge their presumptive candidates from the gooey black tar pit of their liberal ideology, the Democrat image machine will have to hose off their prime-time facade to be as centrist as possible. I suspect this will crowd out the ultra-soft underbelly of the left from evening speaking slots. Hence, the true direction of the Democrats will only be evidenced by letting the morning and afternoon speakers out of their padded cells to connect with a much smaller TV audience. It should be a good trip down the rabbit hole. I wonder if this daytime side show will have Dennis Kucinich presenting with the dog-faced boy and the 500 pound woman. Oh that's right, Hillary is going to introduce her hubby now. Well, I guess it is John Kerry's prerogative to change his mind - again.

Maybe some of the speakers will include Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA) and Sen. Stoli (D-MA) discussing the need for more gun control. Of course that's for the law abiding peasants, like you and me. You see Sen. Feinstein has a license to carry, because she needs it. Sen. Schumer hires armed, off duty police to protect his communist ass because, you see, he needs it. And in the mid 80's, Sen. Stoli had to get his bodyguard out of jail after he was arrested at a Senate office in gun free D.C. for carrying automatic (not semiautomatic, but machine gun, real automatic) weapons.

Maybe Terry McAuliffe will talk about the evils of Corporate America and their ties to the dirty Republicans like George Bush Sr. who received $80,000 in pre-IPO stock in Global Crossing which he sold for $14 million. Of course Terry won't mention that he himself turned $100,000 of pre-IPO Global Crossing stock into $18 million.

The whole boondoggle will be surrounding the radioactive core of the Kerry/Edwards ticket. While the isotope of this core, triallawyerium-238, only has a half life ranging from 4 to 8 years, the effects of detonation could be disastrous for much longer. Presumably, the king and queen of the DNC prom will be talking about how they share the values of, and stood up for, the average American. You know, by voting against the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts. And voting against a full repeal of the death tax. And by voting against increased combat pay for the troops. And by voting to block medical liability reform. And by voting against the "Unborn Victims of Violence" act (a.k.a. the Lacy Peterson law).

So if you are north of Boston next week and you hear a large popping sound, don't worry - it's not your tire. It will be my skull.


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