Saturday, January 22, 2005

January 18, 2005 - The Kennedy Manifesto

Today's Commentary: January 22nd, 2005

Hello Thinkers,

Last weekend I spent most of my waking hours preparing the homestead for my week-long business travel to the west coast. This was my first trip away from home after the birth of Tuff Jr. and I wanted to ensure an easy (as possible) week for Mrs. Tuff during my absence. Among the prep work was the task of checking the mousetraps. Living on what was once farmland has many wonderful advantages, but the siege of small, furry, tennants at will is not one of them.

So on saturday evening, I headed down to the garage to recon the traps. The cold and clouds outside were setting in. With a crisp click, I turned on the overhead lights and followed the foundation wall to my right. Success! Through the fog of my warm exhale, I could see the days catch curled over the edge of the wooden Victor trap. However, something was odd. Almost every other small varmin that squeezes its way into my castle, only to fall victim to the Iron Maiden of the miniature mammal world, is discovered in a virtually identical state of rigor. Their nose is just barely touching the peanut butter bait. Their neck, snapped by the wire, has a visible crevass that segments their once uniform body, making them look more like a large fuzzy ant than a mouse. Their black, Marty Feldman eyes are permanently staring directly up into the unforgiving space over their heads. They are trapped forever in time, like the victims of Vesuvius, saying "What the F---?" in mouse-speak.

But this specimen was different and I noticed it right away. Luckily, CSI was on the case. Close inspection showed the body was in tact - no segmentation. The peanut butter was gone. The eyes were shut. As I rotated the plyers which held the trap, I saw new evidence and deduced the cause of death. The tensioned wire had closed not on this mouses neck, but on it's foot. The wood underneath the foot had bite marks, indicating the mouse had not only survived the snap, but tried to escape. Probable cause of death? Either starvation or hypothermia.

It was at this point that I could not escape the obvious analogy. The baiting of this mouse with a tasty treat (Skippy crunchy) is like the "DEMOCRATIC BLUEPRINT FOR AMERICA'S FUTURE" given by Senator Chivas on January 12th, 2005. The cold, slow death this mouse suffered is what would happen to our nation if these blueprints became anything more than the liberal pipedream that they are. Kennedy's ideas sound undeniably wonderful - almost unarguable. Yet they are the song of the siren which draws us to the rocks, and snaps down on our foot with a rusty metal wire, holding us until we wither away - drained and unable to resist the burden of government control. Since you all are time-constrained, working Thinkers, paying for our nations clean needles, I will provide for you some excerpts from Ted "A Blonde in Every Pond" Kennedy's speech. And of course, my commentary.

Early on, Ted talks about how close he thinks the 2004 election was and emphatically states, "I categorically reject the deceptive and dangerous claim that the outcome last November was somehow a sweeping, or a modest, or even a miniature mandate for reactionary measures like privatizing Social Security, redistributing the tax burden in the wrong direction, or packing the federal courts with reactionary judges."

...Of course. The news is bad, so simply ignore it. Being oblivious to the reality of 4 million votes is the key to accepting Kennedy's blueprint. His inebriessness continues, "We have an Administration that falsely hypes almost every issue as a crisis. They did it on Iraq, and they are doing it now on Social Security."

...Crisis? You mean like the global warming "crisis?" The healthcare "crisis?" The education "crisis?" Kennedy's ilk are the incestuous breeding ground of any "crisis de jour". Without a "crisis" to justify separating you from your cash, liberal democrats would have nothing to talk about.

But the siren song is just beginning: "We must open new doors and new avenues for all Americans to make the most of their God-given talents and rekindle the fires of innovation in our society. By doing so, we can turn this era of globalization into a new era of opportunity for America. Universities and school boards cannot master the challenge alone."

...So despite the insane rise in college tuition (during the past five years, average tuition at a public four-year college has risen about 40%), universities and school boards cannot do it alone. Get your checkbook out. Ted is compelling you to save the day. He continues, "I propose that every child in America, upon reaching eighth grade, be offered a contract. Let students sign it, along with their parents and Uncle Sam. The contract will state that if you work hard, if you finish high school and are admitted to college, we will guarantee you the cost of earning a degree. Surely, we have reached a stage in America where we can say it and mean it - cost must never again be a bar to college education."

...Why does the United States government need to get involved in "a contract" regarding my child's education? And why must I be taxed to subsidize the latest "entitlement", a college education, for someone else? Why can they not get a loan? What if they decide to drop a few classes along the way and it takes them 6 or more years to complete college (as is often the case)? Will my "tuition bill" be amended? What if they change majors? How much skin will they put into the game? Why is everybody else's kid suddenly my problem?

I know this may seem hard to believe, but Ted wants to spend your (and my) cash like the drunken sailor he is. The singing continues, "We should encourage many more students to pursue advanced degrees in math and science. We should make tuition in graduate school free for needy students in those disciplines. And we should make undergraduate tuition free for any young person willing to serve as a math or science teacher in a public school for at least four years."

...Sounds good, huh? And a lean, effective government agency will oversee all of this, right?

Ted continues his diatribe on all the wonderful things you should pay for, like new schools, and high speed internet access for every classroom, home and business in America. And you thought your cable bill was high now, eh comrades? Kennedy also makes a few statements stunning in their irony. He states, "We should invest in mass transit, to reduce the pollution in our air and the congestion on our roads." mean like that leaking "Big Dig" that you bilked the nation over $14 billion for? How much of an upgrade to Boston's mass transit could that have financed? But then we wouldn't have that nice "Rose Kennedy" park where the old highway used to be, now would we?

The lunacy drones on: "We should stop the non-scientific, pseudo-scientific, and anti-scientific nonsense emanating from the right-wing, and start demanding immediate action to reduce global warming, and prevent the catastrophic climate change that may be on our horizon now."

...There's that "global warming crisis" again. As I write this, it is 4 degrees above zero (F) in Boston. How he says that with a straight face is beyond me.

Like most conservatives, I agree with a good portion of the overall flowery goals Sen Chivas espouses. Greater access to education, caring for the needy, etc, but let's call - and treat - these things as they really are. They are charity, not "entitlements" to be demanded from me because someone else thinks the end, and their bloated means to get there, are a good idea.

I could go on, but you get the gist. If only Ted and the rest of the Michael Moore wing of the far left was in control of our nation - and your wallet, it would be a wonderful place. You can read Ted's speech in its entirety at:

But I will leave you with this tidbit from Larry Kudlow, a former economist for the Reagan administration. He writes in an article posted the day after Teddy's speech:

"The explosion in tax revenues has been prompted by the tax-cut-led economic growth of the past eighteen months. With 50 percent cash-bonus expensing for the purchase of plant and equipment, productivity-driven corporate profits ranging around 20 percent have generated a 45 percent rise in business taxes. At lower income-tax rates, employment gains of roughly 2.5 million are throwing off more than 6 percent in payroll-tax receipts. Personal tax revenues are rising at a near 9 percent pace."

The moral of the story? If you want to feed the poor, lower my taxes.

...and stay away from that peanut butter. It gets mighty sticky. Just ask the mice.


Blogger Crazy Diamond said...

Nice analogy. I once repaired a dryer that had suddenly stopped working. When I popped off the back, I found a dessicated mouse with one foot on each of the leads. My guess is that this was a communist mouse, seeking the mother-warmth of Eurostan, only to get shocked by the high costs associated with supporting fat government bureaucrats. (Mangled analogy, I know...)

5:08 PM  

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